I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
