Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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