Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
