Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
