I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
