Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
