You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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