friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
