well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize