OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
