Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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