Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
