I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
