I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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