FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
