Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
