Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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