and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
