you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
