Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
