I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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