The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
