I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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