apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
