Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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