Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
