The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize