She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
