Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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