i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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