I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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