you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
