Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize