I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
