Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I could make wine with my vomit
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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