Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
