I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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