so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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