Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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