The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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