Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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