It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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