I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
