You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
