im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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