The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
