Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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