Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
