Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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