forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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