do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize