Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize