Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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