Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
