I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
