You can't motorboat a personality
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
