Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
