my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
