1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
