my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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