Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
