It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
