Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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