I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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