we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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