Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
