she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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